So Christopher Paolini’s final book in the Inheritance Cycle, self-titled Inheritance was released a month and a half ago. Reviews are not pretty:
- Richard Marcus writes on Blog Critics that “Inheritance feels contrived and rather forced as the author tried to cram in answers to all the questions he had raised in the earlier books.”
- Matt S on Amazon compares it to a “delicate soufflé, rises to an epic climax before collapsing into a tasteless pile of goop.”
- Dan on SFFWorld finds some parallels in “Paolini’s work… where do I begin? First of all, the plot, is it just me or is it identical to that of Star Wars episode VI: A New Hope?”
Since I’m moving soon and plan to toss any hardcopy Paolini sitting around my home, I won’t be buying this hardcover, nor paying a ridiculous $13.99 (same as hardcover!) for the kindle edition. Any readers braver than me, leave a review in the comments!
Sometimes people email me their hand-written short stories in the imitative style of Christopher Paolini, having mistaken me for the infamous author. They are always written by what appears to be slightly more matured than usual monkeys, sporting ugly grammar and hilarious turns of phrase. Take this bit, for example, from The Great War:
“Have thy scouts reported about the outcasts?” asked Aubrey, changing the subject.
“No, they haven’t. They should have reported by now.”
“IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS!” exclaimed Aubrey, who was quick to loose her temper. “DON’T THY #%&^ SCOUTS HAVE ANY BRAINS! OR ARE THEY JUST DEAD!?”
There’s also a lovely example of a pronoun explosion which (to me at least) can only result in the destruction of the entire party of traveling nouns:
Keith charged at the niblog who was holding Neil and Preston’s weapons. He hurled his sword at him, then, almost the second the sword was stuck in his arm; he took it out and chopped him in half. Now that Preston and Neil had their weapons they could fight too. Preston was mad, very very very mad. He swung his axe with all his might at the one who had whipped him.
You might think with a little more context this would clear up, but no, there is no more context to give you, my fair readers.
Under the subject of “a curious imagination, but expansive!!” I received the following fanmail for Christopher Paolini, the child author of fantasy novels Eragon and Eldest.
Dear Mr. Paolini,
(if that’s ok, because to some it bothers them so i don’t know). As your usual fan mail starts: Your and amazing writer your imagination is expansive (farther than Russia to Puerto Rico) it’s extremely impressive how ever you write it down. Anyway to the point, I haven’t visited the states but in a few months I’m moving to AZ from P. R. I’m not trying seduce or anything but how do you learn more about the ancient creatures because you describe them as if you were literally on the landscapes of Oromis and Gleadr’s home and the training’s with Eragon and Saphira but yet you can’t compare it to anything so I don’t know how it looks like. To be honest reading your books are the only antidote to the situations that I’m in my life now. To seduce, I meant was to ask you where you get your inspiration from I know what you’ve said was your home in Montana but that’s your own imagination, places you’ve seen, etc… although i would desperately would like to know I won’t ask, plus that really personal so I will not ask. I would like to ask you that when you read this mail I’ve sent you please don’t post on any web or anything dealing within the computer (or outside)
sincerely, Grace from P. R
p.s.if ur a person who writes tragically i would encounter you to know that im of an age u’ll never guess