The headline says it all. According to the Guardian article Censoring Mark Twain’s ‘n-words’ is unacceptable, a new edition of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn from Alabama-based publisher NewSouth books plans to replace “nigger” with “slave,” and “injun” with “indian” in what they describe as a “bold move compassionately advocated” to replace “two hurtful epithets” that have caused the book to often fall off of school curriculum nationwide.
What’s the point of reading a censored version of the book? By the time that we Americans dilute our literary heritage, taking away both impact and historical significance from what we read, we will have thoroughly become a nation of imbeciles, and may not even notice the loss.
As the famous Mark Twain said, “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter – it’s the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.” And in his books, I’m sure he’d prefer that the rights words, as written, continue to be used.
My current favorite is this one:
“Hello Son,” it said, tentacles waving. — G. Sulea
I “invented” the term stomache the other day, by noticing how the words stomach and ache overlap. Why should you say “stomach ache” when they both already share an ach? Take that ach out! Here is a visual depiction of the future evolution of the phrase “stomach ache”:
Urban Dictionary has a definition of its own:
An idiot who can’t spell “stomach”.
Guy1: Man, my stomache is killing me.
Guy2: It’s stomach, dumbass.
Upset stomach, contracted form of “stomach ache”
You can’t sit on my lap, pet, I have a stomache.
The rest of the Google references will take you to pages about gastroenterology, under the assumption that stomache is really just a common mispelling of stomach. Unfortunately, I’m writing this to tell you that it’s not. It’s its own new portmanteau word, replacing “stomach ache.”